1 Year & 5 Months Later......

Oh my, I cannot believe it has been so long. 

I just went back and read through some of my posts; what a mess I was and amazing how time actually does heal wounds.  Or perhaps just age does. 

Let me catch you up on my very exciting (not) life;

- hit a milestone age in 2014

- started a BA/MBA program

- chilled out a lot and have just accepted my life

- gained a little weight

- still not smoking (yeah me)

- same job and loving it

- much happier with my family

- now have 2 lovely Ragdoll babies

That's really about it.  I don't have a lot of extra time now to focus on the negatives in life as I keep myself busy doing things I love. 

I don't watch, listen to or read the news because it is so horrible. This helps a lot in life. 

I rest more so I don't get sick as much anymore. 

Life is strange, but can be so beautiful if you make it that way. 

Cheers!!

How Did I f-up So Horribly?

Today marks my 49th year in this dunya. Today is also the 23/24th day of Ramadan. It is the last 10 days of the blessed month.

Today- if my world was perfect- I would have taken the day off work; I would have started the day with Duas; I would have then gone to Starbucks (as I'm not fasting right now) where I would have sat with my iPad and read my Qur'an; I would have then gone to a spa for a very much needed massage and mani/pedi; I would then come home and start baking my favorite cake (chocolate with buttercream frosting); I would have then prepared food and insisted my family all sit and eat together (at Iftar time); I would have then spent the rest of the evening reading Qur'an, making Dua and turning in early. 

Instead, it's now after 9 pm and I'm sitting in an In N Out Burger parking lot, eating in silence and crying. Why? because I f*^+•ed up- as a Muslim, as a Parent and I'm sure at many other "roles" I've played in my life. 

I have loved people too much (my ex spouses, my children) and I've allowed myself to be victimized spiritually, financially, mentally. 

I have given in to the feelings of my heart one too many times and  instead of nurturing it back to health, I have ignored it, made a joke; laughed and moved on. 

I have enabled the two beautiful human beings whom I brought into this world so badly that I wonder if I died tonight would they be lost? 

Tomorrow is another day. God willing I make it. Maybe tomorrow I will try to change things.

Who Stole My Ramadan?

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

It's that time of the lunar year again. It's the month of Ramadan. 

The month of fasting, extra prayers, more time spent in the Masjid & time with family & friends. 

As this month nears, I get so excited. I read so many Ramadan Preparation articles, I listen to Fiqh of Fasting lectures, I plan decorations for the home & I do the big Spring cleaning. 

The first few days are filled with Salat on time, regular readings of the Quran, mentally preparing myself for work & getting home in time for Iftar. The fasting adults in the house are kind to each other & help each other out.  Taraweeh prayers are attended. 

Then, within 1 week - Bam!  

Reality in Teresa's life sets in. 

At the doctor appointment, I am reminded that I'm exempt from Fasting because of a medical condition. That possibly, because I was attempting to fast is what brought me to the office in the first place. 

The fasting men start bickering with each other & then it gets turned on me. I'm once again reminded of what an inadequate homemaker, mom & wife I am. 

Instead of happily coming home from a long day in the office & gladly staying up until Midnite to clean the kitchen & dining room, I begin to regret coming home at all.

 One whole week of Taraweeh prayers has already gone by & 2 Qiyams & countless Iftars.  But I've attended not one. And I begin to sink into the abyss of darkness questioning why I even bother. 

The thought that I should have already read through the Quran once & would have started a second time by now diminishes as I open my bookmarked page & realize that I'm only on Juz 3

Who stole my Ramadan? 

Was it me?  Was it my family? I'm not sure I will ever be able to answer this question. And yet again I will plan to save up time off & money to go away next year during Ramadan so I can have my Ramadan back. 

But, only Allah knows if I will even get another Ramadan!

It's time for me to Confess

I am actually an Alien named Mork from the planet XCFBJTJMBF!

This is what's going on right now..

Many of you know (because I'm not shy) that I found out approximately 4 - 5 years ago that I have Adult ADD and that I was, more than likely (love the way Psychs say that the other Psych fucked up), mis-diagnosed with Major Depressive Disorder (MDD) and have been treated on the incorrect medication since 1995. Yes folks, for a little over 10 years!

But, the mis-diagnosis and even the new diagnosis has never been the "big" problem. It was the treatment that was and has been the problem.

Before I go into the exciting facts about SNRIs and our brains, let me tell you what has happened to "Me" while de-toxing from the #1 Prescribed Medication.

Without going into too many Medical details right now (which is actually MY favorite part) - the half-life (how long it takes for the drug to exit my system) for this drug is around 12 hours.

Now, I have had no side effects in a 24 hour cycle;
Hypothetical Day:
800 am Take pill
800 pm Pill has exited the building
800 am Wake Up and Repeat

So, it's when there is no repeat (either forget, only have 30 pills in a 31 day month, switched insurances and couldn't pay $150 for 30 day supply) You get my drift, this is when the fun begins.

First, the "brain zaps"
Second, the "shakes"
Third, the "crying" for no reason at all
Last, (mind you this was only recently added to the 1% of side effects) the seizures.

Yes folks, in the middle of a deep sleep, you sit up, take a deep breath and chomp down on whatever is in your way (tongue, cheek, lip)

And this is missing it for a little over 24 hours!

There are pages upon pages of forums, blogs, etc on this drug and it's horrible de-toxing. No attorney will take the big, bad Pharma Company on so all of us poor slops get to suffer (and the people around us too)

So, I'll be writing about this. Insha Allah and depending on how I feel at that second.

I will also share the medical part with you-just so you understand- in case you are living with someone or going through it yourself.

Oh, so I'm calling this medication, hmmmm, for now - Big Bad E

Good Nite

Same Day, Different Life

Sometimes I am curious, did Allah Subhana wa ta 'ala really choose "Me" for Islam or did " I" choose Islam for some reason tucked inside my sub-conscious mind?

I was told that ALL of my previous sins will be forgiven and my plate wiped clean.

So then why do I feel like I'm being punished?

My previous life may not have been up to any religions standards; but, I was kind of happy.

I loved drinking alcohol and smoking.
I loved having parties and clubbing.
I "was" not only the life of the gathering, I was the party!!

I was in debt, yes, but I had an awesome home, wardrobe and a housekeeper.

So why?

I gave up alcohol for Allah
I gave debt to feel like I'm in more debt for Allah
I recently gave up smoking for Allah

So why am I punished?
- I have never been so fat in my life
- I have never been such a social outcast in my life
- I have never lived in a place that looks like a Hoarder resides in it
- Why did I never notice how much my kids resent me and just don't give a shit
- I have never had un-matched hand me down furniture
- I have never been so depressed about my life

Perhaps converting was my Rehab. But now that I'm better, what do I do?

I can't live my life like this much longer; I will be forced into debt just to get the house cleaned up.

Thank God tomorrows another day!

"Like" is a Conjunction, not a Button

You know, like, I was pretty much raised in the 70's and, like, this was the way we talked!

But, anyway - Like - What's up?

As you can tell I have been away for about:

• 2 months, 3 weeks and 3 days - but who's counting

I have been butt-free, smoke-free for:

• 3 months, 2 weeks - yay me!

I'm not going to lie, it has not been an easy task.  The first thing that pops into my head when I am Stressed - Depressed - Hormonal - Ecstatically Happy is a cigarette.  And, it takes total willpower to Not go and bum one off of a smoker on the street or drive to the local 7-11 and buy a pack of smokes.  And, I will not lie, I have driven to 7-11 or the petrol station and Sat in my car.  But, in the end, I kept it real y'all!!

Okay, so I am going to share some wonderfully creative slang words from my era.. and yes, you will notice some of them are still used today..

• Psyche
• To the max
• Bogus
• Don't be such a spaz
• Far out
• In your face
• Keep on truckin
• Gag me with a spoon
• Bitchen
• Bummer dude
• Cool beans
• Copasetic
• Doobie (if you know what that is, lol)
• Loadie
• Fag hag
• Faked you out
• For sure (but in the Valley we said fer sure)
• Geek
• Get real
• Gnarly (lol my Bro still uses that word - what a geek)
• Gody or Grody to the Max
• Jonesin
• Later days or Later skater (if you skated)
• Mellow out
• Narc (that's what I was when my Bro would have a party)
• Primo
• The rabbit died (okay, this was something that the fast gals used)
• Rad
• Stoked
• Streakin (was actually a trend in my era)
• Tubular
• Totally

So, this just might explain my generations lack of grammer skills or it was the fact that we were more than likely a bit stoked from sucking on a primo doobie in the parking lot before English class. (we can ask my Bro about that - joking?)

Sorry this is short and sweet, but I am "supposed" to be resting today.  Ha!

One of my New Favorite things:

 Saught 

by PeaceMakers, for PeaceLovers: we are a social business which creates products from landmines and unexploded ordnance (UXOs) to support sustainability in post-conflict countries.

Blinded by arrogance Or The truth?

This is a true story but please do not assume who this is about. I just wanted to share it.

It was supposed to be one of the happiest days this week. My spouse had gone home to visit family and was coming home from his trip and bringing his Brother for a visit.

We worked so hard the past few weeks to spring clean the house and make it comfortable for our Guest. My son and I worked all day yesterday to fine tune everything and the finishing touches on the guest room were completed today.

Then around 2:00 - 2:30 my older daughter came home. I was happy to see her and wanted to hear about her work day yesterday. But, I noticed she was very aloof and distant. So I just tried to shut up and go about my business.

However, when she started making negative comments about everything, I did what I do in order to avoid confrontation; I picked up my work and moved to the other room.

20 minutes later, she walked into the room she shares with her brother and that's when I started to hear yelling.

Her and her brother were arguing about a table we moved into the room yesterday. A table, that she said she wanted in the room, yet her brother protested but moved it in there anyway.

For some reason, this argument escalated into the hallway and beyond. I got involved to explain that it was "I" who asked him to move it in there, as I was of the impression she wanted it in there. And could she just wait a few weeks to move it out when we don't have a guest coming in a few hours.

This wasn't the right answer. I could tell something was wrong, but she would not divulge any information and wanted a "kicking post", which soon became me.

All at once, a ton of accusations and insults came hurling my way: - I was not a religious woman and did not pray. It was all for show; - I was a fucking cunt; - I married a drug addict, had a kid I couldn't take care of, so pawned her off on her Grandparents; - I didn't give a shit about her because the room she lived in was worse than a heroine addicts place; - she "learned" how to freak out and not hold your emotions back from me at a young as even the police were called one time when I was too emotional; - I was just a fraud and a liar

My heart broke into a million pieces. And while I have had these insults hurled at me in the past (albeit while there were some personal issues going on in her life) it hurt and it hurt like hell.

Between sobs, I said "I hope you die." It was like a defensive statement you hurl at your boyfriend when your a teenager. But, this is my 20 something child, my flesh and blood. And I can't take it back.

But in hindsight, us her assessment if me correct?
Am I unable to to filter my emotions?
Did she learn this from me or is it an inherited trait in some twisted DNA strand that was carried down from Mother to Child?
When did she start to hate me so much or is it that she is not satisfied with her own life, so I'm easy to blame?

I was lying on the bed sobbing; she walked out slamming the door and leaving and my son comes and gives me a hug and says, "Mom don't be hard on yourself, she is just so blinded by her arrogance".

*This story has been changed to protect the writer and her families privacy as requested.

"Since you've been Gone, I can...

.. breathe for the first time" because after 27 years, I broke up with Smoking!

Today is Day 13 of clean air for me & it has been great.  

I am going to be honest, the first week was horrible.  I tried to run away from my self and was not successful. I was an evil succubus sans the seducing  as I pretty much hated everyone..  my beloved Headspace did not even help me out.

So here is the beginning of my new life Manifesto:

When the crave comes on.. chew gum - not food

Yoga @ the studio a minimum of once a week

Take 10 a day

And that is what you have missed on "As Teresa's World Turns" for the better - Insha Allah!!

Stay Tuned as I work on getting my brain and wits back.  I have been a bit out of it lately!

One of my new Favorite Apps

HeadSpace

So, stay tuned..  You're traveling through another dimension -- a dimension not only of sight and sound but of mind. A journey into a wondrous land whose boundaries are that of imagination. That's a signpost up ahead: your next stop: the Chronicles of Teresa! 

Meditate & Destroy....

Whassup peoples?

Okay so, you all know (well perhaps not all of you) that from 1982 to ~1990 I was in High School & College (don't be countin on yo fingers how old I am, maybe I was one of those smart kids. Not!).

In those times, the average American WASP kid was searching for an identity and at this time the Punk Rock scene had crossed the pond from the UK to the Americas. And we are talking about none other than Sid Vicious and the Sex Pistols, GBH, Toy Dolls came a little later on. But this was the scene "I" grasped.

It was raw, violent, ethanol & drug induced AND very political. Although at the time I was not mature enough to fully grasp the politics going on then, but I received my political science education in the lyrics, in the long talks with kids my age who did know politics.

If you saw us sitting in Cantor's at 1 am drinking coffee, with our brightly colored Mohawks, leather studded jackets with political paintings on them; you would have ran! But if you could have heard the words being said (sans every other word being Fuck or Fuckin) you would have wanted to jump into the conversation as we sounded much like hippy Professors straight outta Berkley. We weren't dumb kids, we did dumb things under the influence though.

Anyway, a friend introduced me to a meditation organization here in LA that was started by such a punk as described above. And while I personally do my meditation 5 times a day in the form of Salat (prayer) to my Lord. I ordered a documentary on this guy for one of my sons to view. And it is entitled, Meditate and Destroy. It is very good.

As you know, I take Khundalini Yoga and have been working on figuring out a way to start my own practice utilizing different Surah's that have been proven scientifically to calm our heart rate and slow our breathing. Insha Allah one day!

But one parallel I found in this film is that this group does not fall into your typical Buddhist meditation. Noah Levine has found a way of bringing a 12 step program and Buddhist meditation together that is very successful.

And I wonder do we, as converts/reverts to Islam, need to do something like this also? I know we have our awesome Scholars (Al Maghrib, Bayyinnah, Suhaib) Webb) to teach and guide us. But what can we do to take it a step further? Lets face it, the older generation will run our Masajids and although I love and respect them, they will not budge in taking the culture out of Islam.

Just a thought!

For now, Punk Rock will never die!

Salaams

A Little Less Conversation...

..A little more action please
All this aggravation aint satisfactioning me


Okay, so I am aware that these words are from an Elvis song
And, what I am writing has ABSOLUTELY nothing to do with the topic of this song

But, I am sort of feeling like this: (but with a Hijab under the hats)

And, while I'm NOT aggravated, nor am I NOT satisfied - I'm just kind of at that (see picture) on Projects I am working on or involved in right now.



Okay, I'm done with the description pictures - feels like you are reading a Children's book huh?

I am working on projects around our house with the painting of several rooms, organizing and distributing items that are no longer needed, and after the outside of the house is painted, I will need to lanscape again {as all of my plants have been pulled out ;( me crying}
And, my deadline for all of this is.............. January 12th.  Oh yes!!
And, I will not be receiving any help with this unless I want to $$
And, I'm realizing, I am getting old and my body gets hurt easily.  LoL
And, there is the time issue.. but, this is everyone's complaint with house projects

Anyway, if you have any suggestions, ideas, etc.. I would be glad to receive them.

So, when I start to feel overwhelmed; I just go find this guy and he just seems to make me smile and chill out.

Okay - here are a few of my favorite blogs:

• Productive Muslim
  
• 99U
• Daily Om

Be Well, Have a Great Week - Teresa has left the building!!

Whassup my Ninjas?

So, this is what you missed for the last few weeks...

• My back went out and I was stuck in bed (no surprise there)
• I lost a few and gained a few pounds
• Had a little hysterical, PMS, hormonal FLIP OUT... in public...(shocking, I know)
• Didn't pay some of my bills
• Spent way too much time talking and making up songs about Nooshi (yes, my cat)
• Watched the same happy, holiday, love stories on LMN for the third time
• Pissed my spouse and children off (like that's new)
• Did my job (see above.... haa haa.. I jest)
• Volunteered hours at my housecleaning job (yes, the one I live in)
• AND... attended my friend Harvey's West Coast Premiere of his Documentary "Bible Storyland" - here is a plug and a pic.. it was really very well done

PRODUCT PLACEMENT ..... Go see it.... very Cute!!

This is Mimi the pig                and                      this is Harvey

and here is the trailer

And, that's what you missed in life and chronicles of Teresa's amazingly boring life :)

Be Well and Shake it Like a Polaroid Picture!

Day +++ Taking Time Out to Smell the Roses

Sometimes the daily grind (AKA Life) can just get to you. And once the negative flow starts, it's like an avalanche. It starts out with a snowball the size of a baseball and rolls on down that hill so quick, meanwhile picking up more and more snow and ice along the way. Then in its path of destruction it does not care what is in it's way. It's too late to care. Until it finally hits the bottom and smashes apart.

This is how my life feels lately. Although so many signs in the form of people, activities, small miracles have been presented, I have been like that avalanche and chose to ignore their significance.

Why do we do that? It's not because it's easier to just give in to the negativity and destruction because that takes way too much energy. Perhaps we just become comfortable in this feeling and it's an easy escape from reality and an excuse to be alone and wallow in our misery.

I recently went through some pretty dramatic events in my life. And while one might say, "Oh come on Teresa, dramatic, really compared to the people of Syria, Gaza, Burma, etc?" And No nothing like that, but then I can't compare myself to their situations as I have never lived through oppression and war. But it is dramatic in my life and and comfort zone so it doesn't make it any less important.

So today I'm finally sitting and forcing myself to do nothing but think and smell the roses, well really the green tea and oranges that my feet are soaking in. Listening to calming Asian music in a quiet place. It's what works for Me.. and living in the middle of a city, it's the only way to find peace and quiet for an hour. Because as soon as I walk out the door, the hustle of cars, helicopters, sirens, people will consume my ears and brain.

But, Insha Allah (God Willing) I will walk out just a little bit calmer, with a little peace of mind and positivity.

Peace and Be Well. I'm gonna try!

Day Whatever.... Mamas Been Sick ick

So I've been sick, in bed all last week, with Bronchitis. (I know feel bad for me)

I want to continue my Negotiations thing here.. but I'm starting to feel the cold, cough, antibiotics kicking in. So I'm gonna be quick.

One Major thing I took from this class was a technique called "The Balcony" and if you look at a negotiation, whether it's something as big as a career negotiation or trying to get your 3 year old to bed.... this technique can really be an asset.

So let me try to draw a picture in your head with my words (you're getting sleepy) joking!!

Me My Kid

Balcony

So I'm telling my kid he HAS to be home before 10 pm because (fill in the reason)

My kid is trying to negotiate and say it is impossible to get in before 10 pm because (fill in the reason)

So, as you know, this negotiation will or could go on and on; start to get really heated; I could start threatening my son; he could say he's running away, etc etc...

But instead of bringing up the past or attacking his character or wasting time going back and forth; when "I" get to that point where I feel I "might just go there" ... I'm going to stop the conversation, take a time out and go to The Balcony".

Why? Because on the balcony, I can look down at the situation and see both sides and most important look at the big picture.

Then, we can negotiate.

Good Luck & Be Well

Mama T

Day +40 - Negotiating Cont.. "Biases"

Biases & Perceptions Affect Everyone's Approach to Negotiations

This exercise is based on negotiations in research, so go ahead skip over it if ya like...

(For each hypothetical item, discuss or think about the potential biases and perceptions from both a Sponsor and Site perspective)

1. A Sponsor has developed a new online contract portal;  all future negotiations will be conducted over it
2. To comply with Institutional Policies prohibiting Consent Forms from mentioning contraceptive interventions, a Site revises every consent template the Sponsor provides to exclude reference to most contraceptive measures referenced in the Study

What did my Team come up with?

1. The Site and Sponsor bias to this is that you lose a personal on on one relationship
   From the Sponsor perception it is saving time and money
2. My team was really Bias on this as we felt it was un-ethical and irresponsible to take this out of the consent forms as it is important to make the patient understand that they must not conceive while on a study drug (I think we were all Regulatory folks)

Recognize Bias & Perception (yours and theirs)

How do you get outside of yourself in order to do this?   

- Learn their story   

- Get in their shoes   

- List their pros and cons

The Benefit of doing this are:  

- You identify other approaches to your problem 

- You avoid thinking "they" are always wrong     

- You work together more effectively

Tomorrow I will share the Proper Role of Emotion in Negotiating (yeah, something I have difficulties with)

Night...

Day +40: The Art of Negotiations

As promised..... I'm sharing my Negotiation Workshop with you :) yeah..

Promoting Constructive Relationships for Negotiations

Remember: "The people are not THE problem, but they can be A problem"

Distinguish between Negotiations and Negotiators
- Two aspects of every negotiation:
1. Substantive issues (the meat of it)
2. Relationship issues (soft aspects of interactions with people)
- Address each, but don't link them
- Benefits
1. Negotiate with a "partner" not an "opponent"
2. Navigate disagreements better
3. Avoid 2 pitfalls
- Pitfall 1: Sacrificing the relationship for short-term substantive gains
- Pitfall 2: Giving on substance expecting a better relationship

Again, separate the people from the problem.

Remember the negotiation and the negotiator have something in common.

More to come...

Live Long & Get what you Need!!

Day 38 - E'id Mubarak to me?

I'm going to digress from my normal template of posting tonite.

It's E'id and it is the second of the Islamic Holidays for the year. I should be so happy and joyous and have started some type of tradition for our family. But I cried all day which produced an anxiety attack which followed with the taking of anxiety meds which followed with me and my cat sleeping most of the day!

When I woke up the house was empty of any breathing souls (except the cat and I and probably the possum). I was even more down after that.

This was my day:
- woke up to go to E'id prayer; walked out because it was too noisy and I couldn't even hear the Imam.
- complained to some man outside about it
- a friend called to wish me happy Eid and has now titled me "angry" it kind if hurt Alot
- I cried my whole way home
- my oldest son and I went to breakfast and he asked why I'm so depressed lately. He said I was much happier when I was drinking lol
- I had an anxiety attack and took meds and slept
- now I'm sitting in my car in Starbucks talking to my good friend who is not Muslim but seems to know better about manners of holy places than many people I encounter

Maybe it's hormones - Maybe I'm just not cut out for my Deen - Maybe I'm just tired from traveling this week

But I'm a human being, I have feelings and emotions. I have so much love and respect for Islam, my Scholar teachers, the Imams and most important Allah SWT and Prophet Muhammad that I cannot give up because of the people.

Perhaps this was my sign from Allsh that my first film project should be etiquettes at the Mosque. It more than likely won't win me an Oscar, but Insha Allah it will win me rewards for the hereafter.

Peace

Day 37: I'm Baaaaaaaack

Weight: None of ya damn business
LoL okay I'm getting on the
scale- hold on- I'm gonna
do 2 out of 3 {hold music}
192.5 wth?

Intake/Output: Okay so in my defense I have been in a conference and did nothing but learn, eat and sleep soooo I'm pretty sure I have some bloating going on. {I heard that and it wasn't nice}. LoL

# of times I swore: Yeah, I swore a lot the last few days at drivers and myself. I had a few "incidents" while out of town. I'll share once I can get to the point if laughing at them.

Exercise: 0

New Things I Learned: a billion (over exaggeration). My favorite was a negotiating workshop, it was awesomenation.

I must confess, I missed my Nooshi cat so much. When I got home today I was searching for him, when I found him, he looked at me and ran away like I was a stranger. It was very heartbreaking. But as soon as I started yelling at everyone he came running to me. Ohhhh Mama's home!! Haa Haa

Going to sleep now.

All aboard the express khandalini!!

Day +31: I Am (not) Invincible

Let's Chat...

In case you didn't know, I have been bed bound for the past week (with the exception of driving to work and being at my desk). I have lost some weight, which is awesome, but, my joints (knees and hip) and lower back don't like this change so they have decided to rebel against me.

With this small hurdle, I have had much time to sit/lay and think. And I can remember in my 30's how a little thing like muscle strain never kept me down. I was like the energizer bunny and kept going.. you know the rest.

Perhaps being the bunny is what has caused this weakened result or perhaps it's just genetics (Dad with knee issues, Mom with hip issues). But I never thought that "I", Teresa Lyn Phillips, would ever be bed bound.. I mean, I'm invincible. I raised two boys, worked a full time job, took classes, and was involved in their activities.

But I find myself, in my 40's to NOT be invincible and I get very cranky when I'm stuck taking sooo many rest breaks. I have been taking it out on my Husband and my Boys when in actuality, I am angry at Me, Myself & I.

What was my "Ah Ha" moment: I was sitting with Nick (my eldest) drinking coffee this morning and I was just bitter and angry and bitching about my pain and my lack of productivity this week. And he looked at me and said,
"Mom, STOP. You are making excuses up for things that don't even need an excuse. If you are in pain, you find what you can do while sitting or laying. And Mom, you are bitching about missing your prayers but you can get up and remember to take pain meds, but you can't even get up in time to do a short prayer? That prayer you do 5 times a day is like the meditation I do to clear my head and stop the thoughts, stress, anger, etc. that I consume from life. And if you don't take those few minutes to do your meditation, you will Always have an excuse which in turn makes you angry, depressed, stressed out. So just stop."

Wow, my Buddhist son tells me this. Something that I have preached to so many others. Subhana Allah

I am not invincible!

Love and Rockets.
Teresa

Day +30 Girl Talk {warning women issues}

Weight
My weight is probably up right now as I haven't been too active this week due to a back, knot, muscle thingy!! :(

Moody Level
Okay Gals I'm just gonna be straight here - Hormones Suck!!

They suck when you are young (and single); They suck after you have babies; and They suck when you get my age (pre or peri-menopause)

I am so moody (the back pain is making it worse) I just can't even stand being around myself.

My family drives me insane. Little things (eg. a few dishes in the sink, wudu water all over the sink and floor, old newspaper on the table) these never bothered me and if they did, I just "fixed" it myself. No complaints, no problem.

Lately, this psychotic woman, whom I have never met, arises in the pit of my stomach and into my head and I bust out screaming (no exaggeration) at my family. And it doesn't end there, this foul mouthed truck driver also has taken over my mouth and I swear at my family. I mean, it's INSANE!

Alhamdulillah (all praises are due to God) I will be attending a conference soon and be out for a few days. I am praying that this time alone will not only help me out, but, give my family a break from me too. Hopefully they don't change the locks while I'm away. Well as long as I can get my cat, I'll be fine. ;)

Alrighty, going to slap some smelly old people stuff on my back, take pain meds, and sleep!!!!

Peace and all that Stuff

Yawm 27 - I can't fit my Deen into a little box

My Thoughts.. cause I just need to get it off my chest:

So, I ran into an old friend last week and he asked me if I had read the book "Taqwacores" or seen the documentary on the writer.  Of course, I had not!  So, I sat down with my computer and logged into Netflix and watched it.

Brief explanation - Michael Muhammad Knight is an American Convert to Islam.  He was raised by his Mother - his Father was a white supremacist and very abusive to his Mother.  He did not meet his Father until he was in his early teens.  At the age of 17 he went to the Faisel Mosque in Pakistan to study Islam.  Masha Allah - very lucky kid.  He is a very educated young man with an MS from Harvard and he is working on his PhD.  He wrote a fictional book called "Taqwacores" which was about a group of Muslim kids in America who are into Punk Rock music and are questioning their Faith. (which is probably all kids, from every faiths, everywhere)  Well, after this book was published and read by many youth who were into punk/ska music - they started contacting him.  Hence, the documentary...

Back to my chronicles... This documentary is very raw (and I'm not speaking of the cinematography which was very beautiful) but, it is very real.  There is the use of bad words, smoking of tobacco & pot, and drinking.  I am sure so many Scholars, Mullahs, Imams would frown on this and accuse Mr. Knight of "influencing" the Muslim youth.  But, let's get real... how many of YOU have smoked, done drugs, drank or even done other things that are against our religion?  If your family or friends knew or know about it, I am sure they hide it from the outside world or from family.. correct?

You know what?          We Are Human Beings and just because we are Muslim, We Are Not Perfect.

Even if you have never drank, done drugs, gambled, went out clubbing and have always done what your parents have told you... (if it was not Haram to gamble)  but, bet that you have had bad thoughts, your intention was not always pure, you missed your Fajr prayer and on and on!!  But, You are human.

So, I love this documentary because for Once it showed Real Muslims, struggling Real hard...

Here is a quote from the film that sums it all up (I apologize there is a line missing as I just could not understand what he was saying)

"Allah is arranging things beyond all our grasp.  The earth is not spinning because you told it to.  Your intestines aren't digesting by your command.  And we think Submission is just applying a strict discipline to our Worship.  It's not that small to me.  I can't fit my Deen into a little box.  Because to me everything comes from Allah.  Birds sing Allah's name.  To say Allah is in this book, but not that one.  And to say Allah likes this and not that.. Do you know Who you are talking about?
Allah is too big and open for my Deen to be small and closed.  Does that make me a Khafir?  I say Allahu Akbar.  And if that's not good enough, then (F word) Islam, you can have it."

That last sentence seemed very harsh to me.  But, we know linguistically, Islam means Submit.  The word in itself defines the way we worship in our religion.  So, to me, he is saying "why should I submit, if everything I do or say is wrong or controversial?"

Insha Allah I would love to meet and interview Brother Michael and his Wife..

My Regular Stuff will be back tomorrow.. :-)

Peace Out People!