17 July 2013

Who Stole My Ramadan?

Assalamu Alaikum wa Rahmatullah

It's that time of the lunar year again. It's the month of Ramadan. 

The month of fasting, extra prayers, more time spent in the Masjid & time with family & friends. 

As this month nears, I get so excited. I read so many Ramadan Preparation articles, I listen to Fiqh of Fasting lectures, I plan decorations for the home & I do the big Spring cleaning. 

The first few days are filled with Salat on time, regular readings of the Quran, mentally preparing myself for work & getting home in time for Iftar. The fasting adults in the house are kind to each other & help each other out.  Taraweeh prayers are attended. 

Then, within 1 week - Bam!  
Reality in Teresa's life sets in. 

At the doctor appointment, I am reminded that I'm exempt from Fasting because of a medical condition. That possibly, because I was attempting to fast is what brought me to the office in the first place. 

The fasting men start bickering with each other & then it gets turned on me. I'm once again reminded of what an inadequate homemaker, mom & wife I am. 

Instead of happily coming home from a long day in the office & gladly staying up until Midnite to clean the kitchen & dining room, I begin to regret coming home at all.

 One whole week of Taraweeh prayers has already gone by & 2 Qiyams & countless Iftars.  But I've attended not one. And I begin to sink into the abyss of darkness questioning why I even bother. 

The thought that I should have already read through the Quran once & would have started a second time by now diminishes as I open my bookmarked page & realize that I'm only on Juz 3

Who stole my Ramadan? 

Was it me?  Was it my family? I'm not sure I will ever be able to answer this question. And yet again I will plan to save up time off & money to go away next year during Ramadan so I can have my Ramadan back. 

But, only Allah knows if I will even get another Ramadan!