Today- if my world was perfect- I would have taken the day off work; I would have started the day with Duas; I would have then gone to Starbucks (as I'm not fasting right now) where I would have sat with my iPad and read my Qur'an; I would have then gone to a spa for a very much needed massage and mani/pedi; I would then come home and start baking my favorite cake (chocolate with buttercream frosting); I would have then prepared food and insisted my family all sit and eat together (at Iftar time); I would have then spent the rest of the evening reading Qur'an, making Dua and turning in early.
Instead, it's now after 9 pm and I'm sitting in an In N Out Burger parking lot, eating in silence and crying. Why? because I f*^+•ed up- as a Muslim, as a Parent and I'm sure at many other "roles" I've played in my life.
I have loved people too much (my ex spouses, my children) and I've allowed myself to be victimized spiritually, financially, mentally.
I have given in to the feelings of my heart one too many times and instead of nurturing it back to health, I have ignored it, made a joke; laughed and moved on.
I have enabled the two beautiful human beings whom I brought into this world so badly that I wonder if I died tonight would they be lost?
Tomorrow is another day. God willing I make it. Maybe tomorrow I will try to change things.