26 October 2012

Day 38 - E'id Mubarak to me?

I'm going to digress from my normal template of posting tonite.

It's E'id and it is the second of the Islamic Holidays for the year. I should be so happy and joyous and have started some type of tradition for our family. But I cried all day which produced an anxiety attack which followed with the taking of anxiety meds which followed with me and my cat sleeping most of the day!

When I woke up the house was empty of any breathing souls (except the cat and I and probably the possum). I was even more down after that.

This was my day:
- woke up to go to E'id prayer; walked out because it was too noisy and I couldn't even hear the Imam.
- complained to some man outside about it
- a friend called to wish me happy Eid and has now titled me "angry" it kind if hurt Alot
- I cried my whole way home
- my oldest son and I went to breakfast and he asked why I'm so depressed lately. He said I was much happier when I was drinking lol
- I had an anxiety attack and took meds and slept
- now I'm sitting in my car in Starbucks talking to my good friend who is not Muslim but seems to know better about manners of holy places than many people I encounter

Maybe it's hormones - Maybe I'm just not cut out for my Deen - Maybe I'm just tired from traveling this week

But I'm a human being, I have feelings and emotions. I have so much love and respect for Islam, my Scholar teachers, the Imams and most important Allah SWT and Prophet Muhammad that I cannot give up because of the people.

Perhaps this was my sign from Allsh that my first film project should be etiquettes at the Mosque. It more than likely won't win me an Oscar, but Insha Allah it will win me rewards for the hereafter.


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