It's that time of the lunar year again. It's the month of Ramadan.
The month of fasting, extra prayers, more time spent in the Masjid & time with family & friends.
As this month nears, I get so excited. I read so many Ramadan Preparation articles, I listen to Fiqh of Fasting lectures, I plan decorations for the home & I do the big Spring cleaning.
The first few days are filled with Salat on time, regular readings of the Quran, mentally preparing myself for work & getting home in time for Iftar. The fasting adults in the house are kind to each other & help each other out. Taraweeh prayers are attended.
Then, within 1 week - Bam!
Reality in Teresa's life sets in.
At the doctor appointment, I am reminded that I'm exempt from Fasting because of a medical condition. That possibly, because I was attempting to fast is what brought me to the office in the first place.
The fasting men start bickering with each other & then it gets turned on me. I'm once again reminded of what an inadequate homemaker, mom & wife I am.
Instead of happily coming home from a long day in the office & gladly staying up until Midnite to clean the kitchen & dining room, I begin to regret coming home at all.
One whole week of Taraweeh prayers has already gone by & 2 Qiyams & countless Iftars. But I've attended not one. And I begin to sink into the abyss of darkness questioning why I even bother.
The thought that I should have already read through the Quran once & would have started a second time by now diminishes as I open my bookmarked page & realize that I'm only on Juz 3
Who stole my Ramadan?
Was it me? Was it my family? I'm not sure I will ever be able to answer this question. And yet again I will plan to save up time off & money to go away next year during Ramadan so I can have my Ramadan back.
But, only Allah knows if I will even get another Ramadan!