Same Day, Different Life

Sometimes I am curious, did Allah Subhana wa ta 'ala really choose "Me" for Islam or did " I" choose Islam for some reason tucked inside my sub-conscious mind?

I was told that ALL of my previous sins will be forgiven and my plate wiped clean.

So then why do I feel like I'm being punished?

My previous life may not have been up to any religions standards; but, I was kind of happy.

I loved drinking alcohol and smoking.
I loved having parties and clubbing.
I "was" not only the life of the gathering, I was the party!!

I was in debt, yes, but I had an awesome home, wardrobe and a housekeeper.

So why?

I gave up alcohol for Allah
I gave debt to feel like I'm in more debt for Allah
I recently gave up smoking for Allah

So why am I punished?
- I have never been so fat in my life
- I have never been such a social outcast in my life
- I have never lived in a place that looks like a Hoarder resides in it
- Why did I never notice how much my kids resent me and just don't give a shit
- I have never had un-matched hand me down furniture
- I have never been so depressed about my life

Perhaps converting was my Rehab. But now that I'm better, what do I do?

I can't live my life like this much longer; I will be forced into debt just to get the house cleaned up.

Thank God tomorrows another day!