13 January 2013

Blinded by arrogance Or The truth?

This is a true story but please do not assume who this is about. I just wanted to share it.

It was supposed to be one of the happiest days this week. My spouse had gone home to visit family and was coming home from his trip and bringing his Brother for a visit.

We worked so hard the past few weeks to spring clean the house and make it comfortable for our Guest. My son and I worked all day yesterday to fine tune everything and the finishing touches on the guest room were completed today.

Then around 2:00 - 2:30 my older daughter came home. I was happy to see her and wanted to hear about her work day yesterday. But, I noticed she was very aloof and distant. So I just tried to shut up and go about my business.

However, when she started making negative comments about everything, I did what I do in order to avoid confrontation; I picked up my work and moved to the other room.

20 minutes later, she walked into the room she shares with her brother and that's when I started to hear yelling.

Her and her brother were arguing about a table we moved into the room yesterday. A table, that she said she wanted in the room, yet her brother protested but moved it in there anyway.

For some reason, this argument escalated into the hallway and beyond. I got involved to explain that it was "I" who asked him to move it in there, as I was of the impression she wanted it in there. And could she just wait a few weeks to move it out when we don't have a guest coming in a few hours.

This wasn't the right answer. I could tell something was wrong, but she would not divulge any information and wanted a "kicking post", which soon became me.

All at once, a ton of accusations and insults came hurling my way: - I was not a religious woman and did not pray. It was all for show; - I was a fucking cunt; - I married a drug addict, had a kid I couldn't take care of, so pawned her off on her Grandparents; - I didn't give a shit about her because the room she lived in was worse than a heroine addicts place; - she "learned" how to freak out and not hold your emotions back from me at a young as even the police were called one time when I was too emotional; - I was just a fraud and a liar

My heart broke into a million pieces. And while I have had these insults hurled at me in the past (albeit while there were some personal issues going on in her life) it hurt and it hurt like hell.

Between sobs, I said "I hope you die." It was like a defensive statement you hurl at your boyfriend when your a teenager. But, this is my 20 something child, my flesh and blood. And I can't take it back.

But in hindsight, us her assessment if me correct?
Am I unable to to filter my emotions?
Did she learn this from me or is it an inherited trait in some twisted DNA strand that was carried down from Mother to Child?
When did she start to hate me so much or is it that she is not satisfied with her own life, so I'm easy to blame?

I was lying on the bed sobbing; she walked out slamming the door and leaving and my son comes and gives me a hug and says, "Mom don't be hard on yourself, she is just so blinded by her arrogance".

*This story has been changed to protect the writer and her families privacy as requested.